I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
