Define "chronic" masturbator.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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