areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
