She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
