I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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