Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
