Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
