will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
