I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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