You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
