I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
