I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
