i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
