I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
two words: eviction party
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
