I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
