1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
