once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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