Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
