shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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