Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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