My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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