let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
