Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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