I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
