i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
