I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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