We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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