While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
