dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
