i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
