see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
