How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
