I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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