We won't sleep together?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
