i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
