my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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