I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
