the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
