you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
