glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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