Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This is the high leading the old right now
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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