Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
