i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
