all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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