apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
