I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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