Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
