I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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