i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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