and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
