So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
